Wednesday, October 13, 2010

coMpliCated feELinGs

hi reader, if u hav known me from facebook my bf broke up with me. At one moment, i felt speechless cos he would never such things to me.. and for a moment i think i always believe his decision is always right.. i dont know.. i trust him so much til i will agree with his decision.. i kinder feel numb maybe we both get use to it being hurt all time and sad.. its normal and more of like routine?? gosh..

realize each time we chat we sure have problems and argue over something ! but when we see each other is like we r lost loving couples! we would never wanna talk bout anything but to hug each other knowing we wait long enough for that moment.. i felt love.. nothing i wan to do but jus hug him all night and be close wif him all i wan.. now i m trying to say i wish to see him badly huh?? all these years our communication had been a big issue in our relationship.. we cant get things right.. even if we wanna share things we cant be sure on how things go or what we can imagine.. we barely knew each other and we hardly see each other.. how can we imagine things from different side...

this 2 days i been keeping my feeling inside me.. i wanna be sad and cry but i cant.. flashback the time i received a call from my sister telling me my best friend pass away and i hardly have any feelings.. i cant imagine and no tears..nothing.. i m like numb.. after went to his funeral, i felt crying out loud asking for help.. i cant help myself but crying days n nights.. out of nowhere all kinds of feeling runing through my mind.. back to my work.. i been working for 2 nights.. of course wif keng liang i cant even sad.. seriously having around i will jus put a smile on my face.. i cant think of anything jus work and get things done.. i jus smile and laugh when i m at work..feeling proud and act nothing and its numb..

now.. few friends came over and comforted me.. after talking to my girls, i cant stand it but cry.. realize i m really sad.. inside of me.. keeping those sad feeling for days..weeks.. months.. i cant help it but cry.. knowing i m gonna loose someone i lov.. i m not sure what i wanna do.. i use to be happy go lucky girl with no problems and party all time.. i dont even know where is me.. i still wanna post this song.. i been loving this song for years and meant to dedicate to someone i lov...

i lov this song cos they always remind me of someone i lov.. something i felt that he is away far from me that i will wait him no matter what it takes.. i m sure lots of couples cant stand long distance relationship for years! we been through so much.. there is always fights and argument but knowing we still lov each other inside.. we get it out somehow.. i dont know why we just cant this time.. this song always remind me of how much pain we been through jus to wait for the moment to see each other again.. thats all for now...see u soon readers..

may God bless u ahead..
i lov u!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

FeELinGS =(

1st of all i dont know why i m here and why m i writing.. maybe cos i got no one to share or way to express now.. guess writing over here been a way of putting everything out.. Recently been thinking whats lov is about.. now i m confuse and scared.. i been dating with my bf for the past few years.. long distance relationship but we had been very strong holding it not letting each other go knowing one day we can be together..

we barely knew each other.. when we start date, it jus happen and now we are.. know him for less than a week then been in relationship for years.. maybe cos we dont see each other and been curious getting to know each other more.. we come from different world, different character,cities, backgrounds and etc etc.. basically almost everything! nothing much in common.. and how in the world we last so long when both of us come from different planet.. maybe its a new things to try each other world.. who knoes! we jus get along and its amazing..loving sweet couple.. sweet childhood dating..guess so..haha..

now both of us grown up and we grown different part.. i always want to celebrate any particular day or event with the person i love like my birthday or his, valentine, anniversary.. but non of those were important to the person i lov.. well for me this is what girls always wan to do celebrating having lots of fun,memories,pictures, gift, surprises.. i get over it after some time knowing those special event the person i lov wont be around celebrating wif me.. guess i never been through any special event just for both of us expect vacation??

i always thought he is the one.. special one which every girls would always think.. gosh,make me think back how silly n dumb i act in front of him and yet he would say i lov u.. jus flashback what we do when we r in genting inside the cable car.. trying to tease each other.. neh.. i m not gonna further than.. thats for me to think back and just to put a smile on my face for once.. back to now.. yesterday i received a sweet msg from him.. writing a story bout us jus to ask forgiveness.. hardly he done something for me but those were like something i would cherish.. its sweet,loving and memories... but today i received a msg from him that any girls out there would nv wan to hear from their own bf.. its pain,cold, cruel,sad n heartbroken.. after years of being together then suddenly u r awake! knowing u r the worst person he had ever meet in his life that had make him suffer throughout the years.. jus feel like kneeling down and tell myself i been the worst gf ever in someone's life.. part of it i know myself that i m wrong.. part of it.. its the worst thing he ever speck to someone and i have to be the worst or what... i suddenly think back gosh! i used to be happy go lucky girl and what happen to me now? omg.. i jus felt that i fail in everything.. seriously stupid.. guess i wanna end here.. i jus wanna talk to my imaginary friends.. thats all i guess.. i lov u readers!


Monday, October 11, 2010


hey hey reader... i m sorry for the past few months..yeah, start to think i forget my bloggie.. neh.. not really.. i usually drop by too sometimes jus lazy to write or jus dont get use to write it anymore.. anyway i m doing fine.. months had pass and lots of things happen! which i m suppose to talk over here... yaiks! its blog not dairy..would keep my personal dairy back in drawer..lolx..

let me see where i stop... yeah dinner that time wif joe and my friends.. hmm.. well, that time joe was back in malaysia.. spend most of my time wif him and going crazy! gosh! that time was really stress.. i been pushing my homework away n spend most time wif him.. classes i go but not all time.. and at the end of july was my assessment week and i m like crazy wif my homework.. gosh! 3 weeks of homework i dint even touch and i was like so tired..i cant even open my eyes! and i still got work at night.. thank God i got an artist boyfriend that willing to help me in my work.. damn! learn a lesson.. seriously, do homework 1st then only play! haha.. thats wat mom told me when i was small guess i need to be independent when i m big girl...

left 2 weeks of holiday.. but joe gonna stay til one my holidays only.. went to redang beach in terrenganu! we love it and its stilllllll FRESH! lolx. have a great time together.. snorkeling..! was like chasing the boat cos we scared it run away! hahaha..damn funny! was tired after that... had beer at night and we dance all night! we jus talk all time.. =)

after joe went back, then i m back to my work n study... work most of the time and study was just fine.. eric, hire 4 new partners.. and most of the senior patners left... things change in the store.. well, start to feel its not that family anymore.. i use to create this good feeling that starbucks is really apart of my family.. i dont know.. its really nice where i can actually get close wif each of them go crazy and there is a room for love.. haha.. crazy huh? work which is family? lolx.. basicly we have lots of activities like hanging out, cheong k, makan together... seriously! its fun.. eventhou all not same age,race or even religion but we r like together.. i work so many place this is the only place i feel home! =) maybe i should write a story of it or make a video of my life in starbucks! would be fun! lolx...

ok..back to my study.. doing fine and having fun! hmm.. learn alot and at last i can draw a potrait and scrupture! i nv imagine before that i can one day actually draw someone! haha.. i will continue to draw..hehe..

hmm.. apart of all this, i got lots of new friends.. but i miss my old friends and i dont hang out that much anymore.. i feel i m loosing friends dont know why maybe they r far n too busy to bother bout other things.. then love life.. dont know where i m heading to.. well guess jus hanging.. haha.. seem like both of us change or something jus cant get it connected each time we talk.. but sometimes we hav to do things that which is good for both of us then.. i dont know.. would lift up everything to GOD.. i still believe God lead me to a better direction.. anyway, sometimes i just want write things over here but its to public to share but i cant own a dairy cos i cant even write what i feel.. its confusing.. guess thats all.. lets see if i wan to post anything up for my next activity...haha.. i try k!!! lov yea readers...