Saturday, February 4, 2012


Hey reader,

How are you? Sorry I m so Lazy to blog these days as I dint take any picture when I go out. Been hanging out these few days with some of my old friends. Last few days, I went out for a dinner with a guy one of my close friend. As usual, just catch up and talked bout life. When he sent me home, he asked me a question that suddenly awake me and it somehow pop out or just enlighten my light bulb. *funny thou. So he was like.. *I know you for few years and been close with you ever since. You are very socialize and make friends as easy as just snap of a finger. Pretty sure you go out with guys a lot as in friends because you can get along with guys easily. As a guy, I know a girl like you are not bad. I m very sure you have encounter few guys asking you to be their girl friend or even ask you out for a date. But how in the world, a girl like you would wait for a boyfriend for so long and I mean it like many years of long distance relationship. What you feel after all these years and why? You can get any guys you want and move on.* Somehow, I felt so emotional and went speechless. From my character, yes I m not the type of girl that can have long distance relationship. I dont know how I did that. Thinking bout that, time really flies. Its been so long yet I m still hoping and waiting. Definitely it's not easy at all. There are up and downs. I been there the worst situation and the hardest thing to do but being with the love one its the most memorial thing happen that you would want to cherish every moment of it. Sometimes I do believe love is blind. I done a lot of stupid and silly thing just to see him smile. Its a priceless gift. Have I tell you guys, my boy friend is totally opposite of me? He is not socialize, not out going and quite. He even look down when he talk to girls. Gosh thinking of that how can I be with this guy? Sound like not my type at all. Knowing him had change my life perspective so do him. He once told me, he wants to be someone like me but he could never be because its not him. Its like idol. I m sure most of you felt warm being with your love one. In my situation, I only see him 2months a year if I m lucky. Sometimes, I have to wait for 1 year or more and it last for 6years. Sometimes I really feel tired and where time tell you to move on but your heart tell you to wait he is coming back. I had waited him ever since he went to US for his studies. Thinking back there, where he told me he will be leaving to go US for at least 4 to 5years I told him I still want these relationship and we continue. Years passed and he going to graduate soon and at last its like a dream come true he will be back! Then now I have to wake up and tell myself I m not in a fairy tale story any more. I have to face the fact, he will be finding a job there. Then my heart breaks! gosh! after all these hard work of waiting and finally he is going to come back and the next thing you know, actually he is not. Its so hard! and its really tough for me to take it. I cant even swallow the fact he is not back. It takes me days and weeks to digest and face it. I dont know how and what to do. No matter how i beg him or cry, at the end of the day I m the one being selfish if I hold him back. Then I recall what he said when he about to leave. Believe it! Good thing eventually will come to those who waits. Then it calm me down. As time pass, things change. I should be happy for him even one day I know he is not mine but I do believe things happen for good reason even thou it bring so much pain. Sometimes life doesnt go on the way we want. No matter how much we believe it will happen and eventually it dint. We still have to face the fact it dint happen for some good reason. Even if I was given a second chance to go back to the days where he ask me would I wait for him the answer will still be the same, not in my lifetime I regret before that I waited for him for so long even I have to miss out many nice guys. The time we cherish and the memories we had will always be in our memory and past. I feel more relief writing it down than nail it in my heart. I wish I can tell him how much I miss him and love him. Love has no boundaries and it goes beyond your imagination. Cherish it if you have one cos you would never know when you will have it again when you loose it. I loose mine. I dont know how to fix it but I do still believe in something between us. I never thought it brings so much pain. I m happy I had him once before. Time for me to move on. I dont know how but I have to. Thank you for everything and your love. It has always been the best gift having you.

good bye.

1 comment:

danes said...

Good ... finally u make ur decision... stick with it... keep with it...